And I'm almost 19. That's it.

The schooldays started already. It's not that tough if I choose to be lousy, not study skip classes and copy from my seatmates to pass the quizzes or exams. But then again, even if I still choose the liberated lifestyle. You can still find me sitting at my study table and writing notes for further references.

Everytime I sit here there's always something new. It'll be either if I made a new friend, I lost an old one and was disappointed by a close one everything happens so fast. I don't know if writing every detail is worth it and if it is, where should I start. Blankness.

I'll probably update again tomorrow. If I won't go out on that gig. ;)









A blockmate/classmate/friend left us yesterday. She was the best leader we had in our class and she was the first one who left us. I know that it is not fair and we still have more things to talk about. But then again God knew that it was already her time, and that she has to go back to Him and tell our Creator how life has been down here.

It's painful to accept the truth. That when the time comes that I'm away from her casket I am not fully convinced that she left us. I didn't even know that she has been in and out of the hospital the whole summer. And what happened to her was really shocking to all of us. Especially me, who hasn't been really nice to her all the time.

As late as it may seem I'll grab this opportunity that even in this very simple way, I could tell her the things that I should have told her.

Kim, you have always been nice to me even though that there were times that I haven't been that good to you. I know that I have said a few rude things about you and I'm really sorry about it. I regret that I haven't said these to you in person and I hope that you could hear me outloud. I can still clearly remember your smiles, the way you laugh and ask about how we have been from the stories that we have opened up with you. I haven't really appreciated it that much but you are an incredible friend. Kim, thanks for being responsible. If there was no YOU as the president of our block. Major actions shouln't have been made and a greatfully thank you for that. I'll miss the times that we bonded together and hopefully when we meet at the crossroads, we'll still talk about our first year in college. Ang daya mo naman eh but I'll miss you.

*Bow*
Hahaha, it's really funny beacause I get really excited whenever the school starts. Even though I'm already in my 2nd year of college, my schedule is really weird and the blocks have been moved. I still find it fun. Meeting new professors/instructors, seeing new faces and ofcourse catching up with the old classmates. It's simply starting a new chapter in your book where everything in the past are just mere memories.

Nakakaexcite introduction ko diba? Pero ang saya talaga ng first day ko. And hopefully I would love the rest of the semester. It feels awesome to be reunited again with your old friends. Gagawin nyo ulit yung typical na ginagawa nyo last time then laugh at your old kalokohans.

Remember the last time when I wrote about how people change? One thing is for sure, things always do change for the better. Nagkaroon man ng huge gap noong summer but still, here we are again the same people but better. Atleast now, we knew our limitations and we knew each other better. Mas nakilala namin isa't isa and who we should trust.

Though unang subject about and hour late yung prof and she already gave us a long lecture. Tapos after that bigla kaming mapupunta sa napakainit na classroom. It's still ok. That's simply what it is to be a student. And I'm ready to start this chapter of my life.

Goodluck to us ya'll!








Hello! It has been a long week. I won't tell you how long it's been. I've just been busy *again* with my offline life that's why I haven't updated that much.

So here it goes.

June 3: I already enrolled for college. And I'm already hecka excited for school to start. Kasi naman nakakainip dito sa bahay, hindi din naman laging may gala. And yeah! Here's my schedule.

Mon: 7:30-12:00, Ana & Physio | 1:00-3:00, PE3 | 3:00-4:30, Nutri101
Tue: 7:30-12:00, Ana & Physio | 3:00-4:30, Nutri101
Wed: 8:00-12:00, HC1 | 1:30-3:00, PolSci1 | 3:00-4:30, Eng2
Thu: 1:30-3:00, PolSci1 | 3:00 - 4:30, Eng2 | 5:00-8:00, Heth1
Fri: 8:00-12:00, HC1

June 5,6: Eliminations ng Back to School Battle of the Bands. I was there every single night. My friends had to play in different nights and its fun to catch up with a few old faces. That's why on the first night I had to go home at 6.30am sa Caridad na ako nagpaumaga, ang kulit kasi ni Jolly.

June 7: My HS friends and I went out. Well technically, they're not really my classmates/schoolmates back in HS, its just that we got along really well during those and these days. So we went to Almon Waterpark in Sta. Rosa. It was me, Indira, Carlo, Kenneth, Hyatt, Joy and his gf Diane. Muntik na kami makarating ng 8waves kasi naman sa Gapan pa kami nakahanap ng ATM machine. Then we drank, swim and had fun. I'll miss you guys! Galera tayo ng sembreak ah!

After that hinatid nila ako sa Freedom park, eliminations pa kasi and I had to show up to Casta kasi I have his shirt. And by the way, SCARS OF NATREH made it to the finals. Kinabahan pa nga ako nung nag annouce ng winners eh, kasi last sila na binanggit. I'm so proud of them! Sana they'll get a chance to win at the finals. Goodluck to them!

Yesterday: We went to Baguio! The last time I've been there was the summer before I left for London, it was around 2003 or 2004. A lot of things has changed and it was awesome. Considering the fact that we arrived at like 8pm and it was already dark. But still! I loved everything I saw. We didn't even have time to go to different places because it's late and we only went there for their gig. Besides, we have to go home after that because Jolly and Anthony have to work the next day. So I just wandered around Session Road alone. Loka-loka nga daw ako sabi ni Andrei, at buti na lang daw hindi ako bumalik ng umiiyak.

The gig was great, it was held in Overtones and ang daming magagaling na bands ng Baguio. It was way different from what we have here in Cabanatuan, and I would definitely go back there again. I'll just post the picturea when I get it from the people who took them. I was too lazy to bring my camera eh.

27 more days before I turn 19.
13 more days before school starts.

It's getting closer. I don't know exactly what to feel. I don't even feel that I'm growing up, I'm just getting older. It's time to be a bit more responsible and less outgoing.

A few days ago a friend told me 'Ang hina mo pala sa mga ganyan noh?' While pertaining to a heartbreaking incident that I was so strong to talk about until it was already infront of me that tears almost started falling down my cheeks. Then another friend said 'Nakakapagbigay ka ng advices sa'min pero hindi mo naman kayang gawin sa sarili mo.' And then she continued on telling me that I was awesome at telling them to stay away from the things that kept on hurting us, while I myself can't do that.

Yesterday, I was touched by Sandra's message. *She's a friend from Iceland who had a baby at practically my age.* She told me I was the only sensible person that she can talk to on her whole YM list. Then I thought, if a person sees me in that way, well maybe I can somehow be the same persom to myself.

That's when I realized, I can never be the same person to myself as I was when I am infront of my friends. That now, i need to be stronger than who I was before. That I can't continue to cry over the things that hurt me only when nobody sees me. And get myself drunk when I'm in so much pain. That maybe I haven't grown up after all. I am still the same person as I was before, I just learned how to handle it. That sooner or later I might once again fall down to that deep depression from where I was before.

... And it scares me, because just when I thought that I was doing better. I suddenly realize that I haven't even moved from the spot where I began.